welcome

Writing is my favorite way to express everything.

So writing is one of the most important thing to do in my life.


Enjoy.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Sunday, August 14, 2011

nitrogen

Nitrogen? what the hell is that?

Nineteen-ten-three-of-eighty-one or angkatan ke-19, 10.3, di sman 81 :)

but Nitrogen isn't just that. isn't just a name of class. nitrogen is a friendship, and a family. it means a lot for me.

well, if i say that i miss Nitrogen, it means i miss all part of it. not just miss my best friends in nitrogen, but all...i mean, ALL part of it.

a year means nothing. it's like i've been years with them. it feels like...i've knew them so well, from long time ago. then it also feels like... my (school) live gonna be nothing without them.

exaggerated, eh?
i don't think so.

if you're part of us, i bet you'll feel the same.

it doesn't mean i didn't have cool and good classes before. when i was in 9grade, i thought that it would be the best class ever. but then, a year later, i found the better one. or maybe will be the best one?
now i think so.

i feel i can (and i'm on the way to promise that i will) cancel every schedule, every event, everything, just for attending nitrogen's event.
exaggerated? well...er...no.

briefly: i love nitrogen, of all the love, friendship, and happiness i've felt. my only one.

Monday, August 1, 2011

July, 2010.
there he was. kinda freak. er....his name is like a girl's name. so i asked him. "hey, why is your name like a girl's?"

November, 2010
i saw him use a ridiculous profile picture at his facebook this evening. i laughed a lot, and then i wrote on his wall "HEY, YOUR PP IS SOOOOOOO HANDSOME!"the next morning, his friend told me that his girlfriend got angry with me because i wrote such words in his facebook. she wrote in her blog about it. oh man, i really felt guilty. immediately i visited her blog and said sorry to her. i really didn't mind for making her angry.
i mean... i did still in love with my ex.

December, 2010
he was cute. i did love to sit beside him, to listen his jokes, and to laugh together with him. hey, it (absolutely) didn't mean i started to like him. i often told him story about my ex. he was kind of my 'garbage can'. it was nice to share love stories with him.
but his girlfriend started to get jealous with me.

January 24th, 2011
he got his first year anniversary with his girlfriend. congratulation, boy! you're cool B)

February, 23th 2011
i approached him that morning. "please, help me. my teacher asked me to fix the essay, and the deadline is tomorrow!!!" i said panicky.
he just shut up, then said "al, i broke up tonight."
i was speechless. "you...what??"
"..."
"you..broke up?" half whispered. i looked in his eyes and suddenly realized. it swollen. "really?? but... WHY?"
"there's something."
"something what?"
"just...something."
"oh no. you broke up, because of me, didn't you?"
"no, no, it's not because of you."
"please..." i whispered. i touched his knee softly. "i'm so sorry."

another day in February, 2011
we sat by twos, side by side, was looking at his laptop.
meutia came, and said "hey, guys, what are you both doing? you look very intimate."
i smiled. but before i said something, he already said "hey mut, you know, i will ask her for being my girlfriend back, two months again."
i laughed. "yeah, you're cute."
but i didn't understand why it hurt.
hey, i mean, i was still in love with my ex.
er...

March and April, 2011
i really don't understand. but we got closer. our friends also kept push both of us for being close. and closer. more. and more. i even forgot about my ex.
i love him?

May 7th, 2011
it was laperis. i came to school and watch the event. fyi, this is the event of paskibra. he was one of the committee. in the morning, i felt that day would be different.
at the afternoon, we went to mcd for getting some lunch with our friends. i sat in one side of table, and he sat in another side. suddenly he moved his plate, and sat beside me. he smiled.
we ate with our friends, and the middle of dialogue, he
thrust a bar of potato to my mouth.
i smiled, and felt like....wow.
then we went back to the school, and we spend almost the rest day by twos. we sat on the corner of the gate, under the shade trees, talked about everything, laughed together, stared each other.... and i felt like drove out of something when he left me for a moment for doing his job.
i really felt the day was really different. happier. brighter.

the beginning of June, 2011
"you said you'll ask her for being your (ex) gf back, two months after you broke up. hey, it's almost four months."
"don't know, al. i feel i'd better this way. i love for being single."

the middle of June, 2011
"i want to ask something."
"yes, al."
"what am i in your mind?"
"well, i also wanted to ask you that kind of question."
"so?"
"you are my 'friend'. not only my friend."
"what's the different?"
he just laughed. "guess."

June 18th, 2011
"i want to talk about something to you. "
"ok, just say it."
"no, i should say it directly."
"er...okay. when?"
"would you come in monday?"
"it's pra-LD. i'll be there after 3 o'clock."
"K."

June, 19th 2011
"chan, he said he want to talk to me next monday. what do you think?"
"that's easy. he just want to say that he loves you."
"...."
"....?"
"it's impossible."
yeah. but i still thought it over, over and over.

June, 20th 2011
morning: *stepping* "come on, three o'clock, come faster, please..."
afternoon: *lunch* "come on, three o'clock, come faster, please..."
3 o'clock."al, there he is."
i turned. there he was. wore a black t-shirt which he got from dji-sam-soe, long jeans, and his adidas new shoes. he also brought his bima (hey, it always you, bim)
then we walk to a canteen next to the school, and i brought my big and heavy carrier by myself, because i was afraid if i let them carried my carrier, then it will be broken....
we sat in the long chair. he sat beside me. i drank a bottle of ice tea.
suddenly bima stood up and said "sorry, i should take my call." then he walked outside.
i just dazed, because i didn't hear any ringtone.
for some moments we kept in silence.
"er...al, do you know what i want to talk about...?"
"no."
"really?"
"yes."
"er..."
"...."
"you really don't know what i want to talk about??"
"yes."
"...."
"...."
"really??"
"YES! so say it now."
"...."
"...."
"al."
"yes?"
"do you know, that i've been loving you for a long time."
"..."
"..."
"yes i know."
he smiled.
silent for some moment.
"so, would you be my girlfriend?"
then i also smiled. and chuckled. "yes."
he stared at me. "so?"
"yes."
"yes what?"
"yes, i would."
Puti Keswara Sudarsono

and me.