Ask me to describe myself at this moment; and I
will say I’m a blank piece of paper. It does not mean I’m innocent. It only
means I’m empty.
Don’t ask me anything. I just don’t understand any
single thing that barely happens.
I can’t decide which one is happening: everything
push me keep away from them, or is it me that pull myself from the society? Or
both?
My mood is broken. My mind is tangled. My brain is
melted. Everything is ruined.
I just am feeling alone. I sat beside people, but
it more likely by myself. I tried to tell people that I’m sick. I ask for
helps. But I just can’t tell them the whole story because I don’t even
understand how it goes.
If you wonder what is this about, and yeah it’s
all about the love story.
Honestly, I feel like I’ve lost many people I
love.
I’m going to the place everyone will go, which
called ‘adulthood’ (yeah right). But once I was there, I realized that
everybody has changed. Then I also know that I’ve made some little mistakes. The
little ones, but it caused people go. No, I mean not all people, but just
people that meant to my live. They go.
Leave me. I’m all alone.
I indeed blame myself for these stuffs, but I am also
disappointed of them. To the people that leave me. To them who once promised ‘I
love you, guys. More than anything. We will be together forever. Because, aren't we family?’
Bullshit.
The problem is, now, I miss them. Totally miss
them.
Then I believe they don’t need to be fixed. And
also cannot be fixed.
I just can regret and regret. I just need to try
to forget, and need to let them go. And once everything went better, it
wouldn’t be same as it used to be.
Oh, just like chocolate. Once it melted, it’s
broken. And even it is frozen again; it cannot be as its actual form.
And special for you, my dearest dear. I am sorry
for these stuffs. I am just trying to let you go (that ‘Baby, don’t talk to me,
I’m trying to let go. Not loving you is harder than you know’ one). I indeed
keep myself away from you, and totally avoid you. Every our contact, even an
awkward eye contact reminds me of the feeling that should be erased. The desire
to fix everything, and make it like it used to be, which is futile. I’m feeling
like, I’m getting dumber and dumber every moment I remember you. I just wasted
my tears .Sorry, but I’m moving on. Even just a weak try.
It’s obviously hard to do this, believe me. But I
promise, if I scored one, I will call you. Someday J
Ps: until this second, I confess, that I still
love you.
